People Who Need People

Well hootenanny. I've been rebuked by Shmaudrey, Larin, Mierra, Nashley and Fro (code names. this is the internet people) for not updating my blog recently. Ok actually I haven't. I know if I don't correct this, Audrey will write some snotty little comment about how no one has told me to update it. Whatever

At my desk job, I'm given an affluent amount of time to ponder life and the eternities, and I've come to 3 conclusions:

1. Alphabet letters definitely have genders. For example, A is a girl. B, C, and D are boys. E is a girl. F is a boy. G is a girl. H- boy. I- girl. J is a femmy man. K is a manly man. L is french- a boy. A french boy. M and N are girls. O is a boy and P is a girl. Q and R are men (Q is probably Middle Eastern), and S is a girl. T is flashy and feisty- maybe a Spice Girl. U is an airplane steward, V is a guy, W is a girl, X guy, Y girl (actually this one is open to debate), Z boy. For all you folks out there who's first initial-gender does not match your gender, life goes on.

2. All I want for my the rest of my birthdays is bubble wrap. A lot of it.

3. Of all the crazy ways people have manipulated my name over the years, I think my favorite nickname so far is what my little sister Jane calls me: Miss Keena.

People are funny.

Last night my dad's former boss who is Dutch and lives in Belgium brought her family to our house to visit. We were scared that the Finer Thing's Club aka Europeans in our living room would judge us for being ugly Americans. The husband was a darling little French man with a strong personality. I wish I wasn't so awkward when they went in for the smooch on the cheek (I do love that piece of their culture, by the way. It's dainty and cute). I guess I did good because when I met the family I just got one kiss and when they left, some of them gave me two and even three!

I watched my poor mother say goodbye to Jon Luke and give him a friendly bear hug when he went in for the kiss. Maybe he was scared, but maybe he also liked it.

People are flirty.

The 16 year old girl Rachel only spoke French. It was difficult; actually impossible to communicate with her, except through her older brother Frederick who spoke some English. I smiled at her a lot last night to make her feel welcome. It might have turned creepy at points. Olivia looked up the phrase, "Do you think he's buff?" in French on the internet, and asked it to Rachel as she pointed at Steve. At one point we heard mom in the kitchen say to her, "What kind of soda would you like?" and she answered, "I speak French," so mom said, "Oh, that's ok! Help yourself to whatever you like!" We decided mom talked to her in english for a total of 8 minutes last night.

Steve took French in high school so he tried saying a couple simple phrases to Rachel at the beginning because he felt sorry for her; he knows what it's like to be in a country and not speak the language. Apparently that meant that my 24-year old brother was interested in the 16 year old. She flirted with him the rest of the night. She gazed at him as he played piano. She sat next to him when possible and pinched his arm. When he tried to ignore it, she tickled his chest. I guess I can't blame her.

People are babies.

I work with a parking agency of a town nearby, so we get the usual people who call in to complain about problematic meters that are reading 'failed', won't accept coins, etc. Last week a man called and informed me that he inserted 35 cents, but the meter didn't clock the time. So he moved to another meter and inserted 35 more cents, and it worked. However, he had to pay twice. He insisted on getting his 35 cents returned to him at once. He kept explaining to me that it wasn't about the money so much as "The Principle of the 35 Cents." I told him he could fill out a refund form, it would take a few weeks to process because Council has to approve the matter, and then we would issue him a check for $0.35. He didn't seem to like that idea. SIR, IF YOU REALLY WANT, I WILL JUST GIVE YOU 35 CENTS MYSELF. The principle of the 35 cents. Great title for a book, don't you think?

Things you can buy with 35 cents....
Tolls for the Garden State Parkway
Juicy Fruit in a vending machine
3 jolly ranchers at the pool with 5 cents to spare
a gumball
7 nickels is surely enough for one sweet game of DDR at NickelCade
a sweet toy at Acme's old 25c toy machine
A handful of dirty mikeNikes or Reeces Pieces at a gas station

I guess the man was right. 35 cents is a lot more than we realize.

People are old.

Everyone I work with except for like one guy is 30 years my senior. And everyday at least one comment is made about my youth. Actors and bands and movies...have I heard of them? WHY OF COURSE NOT! I WASN'T EVEN BORN YET! I sit next to a sarcastic, witty woman named Michelle and she makes more comments out of anyone-but they're always about stupid 20 year olds in general- never officially directed towards me. But the other Andy down the hall comes and tells us a story about a 20 year old who was hitting on his wife, and how all 20 year old guys only think about one thing. And he's just philosophizing about the existence of 20 year olds in general, and Michelle of course opens her big mouth and says, "Yeah, I sit next to a 20 year old all day, IT DRIVES ME NUTS!" Umm Michelle I don't do anything to you. I don't even talk to you. You are just old. Stop taking your oldness out on me. (This is a good thing to say to parents that are bothering you. Don't try this at home, kids.)

People like cross word puzzles.

It's the funniest thing, a few people I work with literally meet in the lunchroom every day on their break and do crosswords together. I think it's the highlight of their lives. And I gotta hand it to them- they are good! They always try to get me to come and participate, and usually I just sit there blankly staring as they throw out 4 letter words for hyperventilation like it's nobody's business. Maybe it's something you get good at with practice. Maybe the knowledge just comes with age. And every time there's a 3-letter word that ends in 'x', they get so excited. And when it turns out to be 'box' or 'mix', they are sorely disappointed.

People say things you wouldn't expect.

There is a lovely lady named Jean who is very sweet and demure. She always smiles at me as if I'm her daughter. If I hadn't known any better, I would guess this woman sings to homeless children in her spare time and donates expensive household items to charitable organizations.

The week of July 4, I bumped into her in the copy room and made friendly conversation about the upcoming holiday. In response to my question about her plans, she said, "I'm going to get so hammered this weekend." Can people get hammered at 50? I'm actually not even positive I know what hammered means. I'm pretty sure it means drunk. But I thought only kids on Dude Where's My Car use that term.

People are blind.

A man came in for a permit a few weeks ago, and I grabbed the form off the wall as we politely conversed. When I asked him to fill it out, he abruptly said, "I CAN'T SEE. You are going to have to fill it out for me." I nervously laughed and said, "Oh, of course," as if I should have just assumed that he was blind. In my mind I was wondering if this man should be driving a vehicle under his circumstances. At the bottom of form the resident is supposed to sign his/her name. I was afraid to ask the man to do it, so on the line in parenthesis I wrote, "He is blind."

People are sisters and go tubing with their cousins in Maine.




I've never seen Dude Where's My Car, by the way.