I would like to briefly discuss something called running etiquette. Why is there a failure of people in the world to just be FRIENDLY? I'm not talking about creepers that hop all over your grill if you so much as look at them. But is it so hard to smile or say hello?
I love running. I probably go about four times a week. It just makes me feel alive. Now that the weather is getting nice, I never tire of the surrounding mountains, the air is warm, and the ice is finally melted. Sue me for feeling happy on my run and wanting marry the whole world, greeting people as I pass. Maybe my speed is very intimidating (jk), or I smell, or my looks scare people off. But when I pass someone, I always look to wave at them, but they avoid my eyes entirely, always looking straight ahead. Utah is worlds ahead of Nj, where honks replace hellos and middle fingers replace merriment. Still, I'm surprised that people walking on the sidewalk are so awkward. Can't we all just be friends?
Granted, I could just VOICE a polite greeting, instead of waiting for them to look and having a silent exchange. But I'm out of breath, and I don't want to make a person feel uncomfortable if he/she doesn't want to meet eyes with a stranger.
Then, the other day, I had an epiphany! I don't know if it is the solution, but I realized when there is someone in my path, I don't look at that person until I'm barely about to pass him/her! Mostly because I don't want to look like a creeper that is staring. Who knows if they glance at me, but because I am looking away, they avoid me as well?? Maybe they are thinking about the same things I am thinking?! Maybe I just need to bite the bullet and not be so timid. Maybe I could change the world, one hello at a time. Maybe I am the only person that feels all these awkward social pressures that don't even exist, and are just fabricated in my own mind. Maybe I have a Beautiful Mind. Maybe I'm schizophrenic. Maybe, it's Maybelline.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Fingers
My fingers are finally starting to callous from playing guitar so much! It's a great life.
Also, I'm working in the computer lab right now, and a little man in an orange cardigan just asked me to print his document entitled "Raisin."
Also, I'm working in the computer lab right now, and a little man in an orange cardigan just asked me to print his document entitled "Raisin."
Friday, February 20, 2009
the Grapeful Dead
Tomorrow is Put Your Make Up On With Your Left Hand Day. Celebrate it.
I learned something about myself as I was eating grapes at the computer just now. I always get very wary of the last couple ones attached to the stem. I normally pick the biggest and firmest first (doesn't everyone), and work my way down to the smaller, softer ones. But I can never actually finish the grapes! Something ingrained onto the DNA of my soul never allows me to eat the last one. Mushy grapes are nasty and they freak me out.
Update: my sisters are in town. Other than having mad HSM3 chaos that has unfortunately taken the place of necessary studying, and technically should be illegal in my respective town...nothing much else is new. And by that, I mean a lot is new. But I don't have time to wander through the various subjects, so I will sign off with one of my favorite English words.
HOLLA
I learned something about myself as I was eating grapes at the computer just now. I always get very wary of the last couple ones attached to the stem. I normally pick the biggest and firmest first (doesn't everyone), and work my way down to the smaller, softer ones. But I can never actually finish the grapes! Something ingrained onto the DNA of my soul never allows me to eat the last one. Mushy grapes are nasty and they freak me out.
Update: my sisters are in town. Other than having mad HSM3 chaos that has unfortunately taken the place of necessary studying, and technically should be illegal in my respective town...nothing much else is new. And by that, I mean a lot is new. But I don't have time to wander through the various subjects, so I will sign off with one of my favorite English words.
HOLLA
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Pink and White m&ms
Why must all blogs have polka dots? It just seems fitting. Well here goes my first post!!!!!! Sup homies. Lately in my life, I've felt a strange, but dire need to formally publish my thoughts to a world wide web in which no one knows me, my past, or my faults. This goes without saying, but NOT via Facebook.
Everyday as I walk through the bookstore on campus, the candy section never fails to tempt me. Normally it's the multi-colored jellybeans or the Take5 candy bars...but as Valentine's day is quickly approaching, red heart-shaped treats are the only things in sight. What is it about white and pink m&ms that just make me want to fall in love? I don't even like m&ms, it makes no sense to me. And even though my life is in shambles at the moment, and love is just about the last thing I want to think about right now, those silly little colored chocolates bring to life that hopeful warm feeling that comes but every February. The feeling that was born in Ms. Drewe's second grade class; from finding a valentine from Joe English in my mailbox...
Isn't love a funny notion? Why is it that in our youth, the feelings we have are very real and powerful to us, but as the years pass, we grow more cynical of man's ability to love at such a young age? Jesse Falzone- I was five years old, but I was sure that he was the one. Now when I think of children having crushes, it seems silly and trivial- like kids are just copying what they saw out of a movie.
I'm going to switch trains of thought for a bit. Something that has always gotten under my skin was the lack of a perfect world that we live in. Why can't everything just work out in the end? Someone always has to get hurt. Why couldn't life just be mutual? I was listening to "Bring On the Rain" today as I made my lunch, and a line in it says, "A single battle lost, but not the war." Maybe that's what life is: a series of battles. All of them cannot be won. How would we know what victory felt like, if we'd had no loss? With each new defeat comes pain, but also knowledge and experience. It's funny though, it seems every time I lose a battle, it's hard to take solace in that fact, until much time has passed. Inevitably though, I feel stronger because of it. Neil A. Maxwell once said, "The cavity which suffering carves into our souls will one day also be the receptacle of joy." Does it make sense that the depths of our joys can only be as deep as our sorrows have reached? As humans, our capacity to feel emotion is relative. Those who feel deeper; who are more sensitive to the world in which they live will experience fuller joys, and with that; more penetrating suffering.
As I was walking down the huge staircase near the duck pond the other day, my mind was stewing. It's so frustrating that the right choice is the hardest one to make. Shouldn't we be rewarded?! Why can't the right be the easiest, and the wrong choice be the hard one. The thing that's incredibly LAME is that it isn't always right vs. wrong. Most of the time, it's good vs. better. And when you can't see the final result, and the good choice seems to be perfectly fine, you still just have to trust that one day you'll find out why you vitally needed to walk away. I just need to be willing. I need to trust. Richard G. Scott said in his talk, 'Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayers', "Nephi knew he was required to confide in God [speaking of his entering into the house of Laban], to exercise faith, and to act so that he could receive help, step by step. He did not murmur nor ask for a full explanation. But, observe particularly, he did not wait passively for help. He acted! By following spiritual law, he was inspired and given power to act."
The past couple weeks I've realized there were two important things I really didn't understand growing up.
1. I always believed that in life, decisions would be black and white.
2. I was confused by what it meant to 'feel right about something.'
I've come to the understanding that most decisions aren't black and white. There is a lot of gray area in between. Many times, there is more than one good choice. We need to find the best choice. God will give us a lot of latitude as we paint the portraits of our destinies; after all, isn't that what free agency is for? But I'm a firm believer that He, in all His omniscience and omnipotence, knows us better than we know ourselves. He is willing to guide us to greener pastures when we pray and work for His counsel. We cannot choose every good thing in life- we need to make priorities and choose. "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;" Doctrine and Covenants section 58 tells us. With our own free will, we need to choose A good cause. Not all good causes- for there isn't enough time or energy. The thing that is scary is that God knows what is good for us, and what is best. He can see the future; we can't. However, walking away takes action on our part. Blindly trusting in Him, and hoping for something that will be worth while is something I've been learning the past little while, and it is a hard lesson to learn.
Now for the second item on my list of childhood ignorances: Sure, you can get spiritual answers to questions in your life, but what did that mean?!?! Visions and dreams; a ground shattering voice that tells you what to do; your horoscope? Young women leaders, parents, and family would tell me stories of how they 'prayed about something (whether it was marriage, career, where to live...) and just felt right about a certain decision.' What does it mean to feel right? I never knew.
Recently, I had to make a decision. Something in my life felt off; and I didn't know why or where the feeling was coming from. I tried to rationalize it for a while; even ignore it. When that slightly uncomfortable feeling kept nagging at me, I knew I needed to face it. After praying for guidance, I would still wake up the next morning feeling unsettled. Last week I gave it serious reflection and spent a lot of time on my knees. When the gradual answer finally came, relief flooded as I knew what I needed to do. Still, the after-effects were unavoidable, and giving up what I had decided to give up turned out to be much harder than possibly imaginable.
A dull ache constantly dwells with me. I wish I could say that with time it is getting easier, but maybe I am just being impatient. I think the worst part is wishful thinking; hoping that by some strange turn of events, this experience was just something I needed to go through, and that things will eventually go back to the way they used to be. But then I remember the story of Lot's wife, and I know that I cannot look back; I need to look forward. The past is simply to learn from. Faith is always pointed towards the future; of things that are yet to come. I simply need to trust that things will work out- and as long as they will, there is no use worrying about how.
One thing's for sure: break ups are the pitts.
KEN
Everyday as I walk through the bookstore on campus, the candy section never fails to tempt me. Normally it's the multi-colored jellybeans or the Take5 candy bars...but as Valentine's day is quickly approaching, red heart-shaped treats are the only things in sight. What is it about white and pink m&ms that just make me want to fall in love? I don't even like m&ms, it makes no sense to me. And even though my life is in shambles at the moment, and love is just about the last thing I want to think about right now, those silly little colored chocolates bring to life that hopeful warm feeling that comes but every February. The feeling that was born in Ms. Drewe's second grade class; from finding a valentine from Joe English in my mailbox...
Isn't love a funny notion? Why is it that in our youth, the feelings we have are very real and powerful to us, but as the years pass, we grow more cynical of man's ability to love at such a young age? Jesse Falzone- I was five years old, but I was sure that he was the one. Now when I think of children having crushes, it seems silly and trivial- like kids are just copying what they saw out of a movie.
I'm going to switch trains of thought for a bit. Something that has always gotten under my skin was the lack of a perfect world that we live in. Why can't everything just work out in the end? Someone always has to get hurt. Why couldn't life just be mutual? I was listening to "Bring On the Rain" today as I made my lunch, and a line in it says, "A single battle lost, but not the war." Maybe that's what life is: a series of battles. All of them cannot be won. How would we know what victory felt like, if we'd had no loss? With each new defeat comes pain, but also knowledge and experience. It's funny though, it seems every time I lose a battle, it's hard to take solace in that fact, until much time has passed. Inevitably though, I feel stronger because of it. Neil A. Maxwell once said, "The cavity which suffering carves into our souls will one day also be the receptacle of joy." Does it make sense that the depths of our joys can only be as deep as our sorrows have reached? As humans, our capacity to feel emotion is relative. Those who feel deeper; who are more sensitive to the world in which they live will experience fuller joys, and with that; more penetrating suffering.
As I was walking down the huge staircase near the duck pond the other day, my mind was stewing. It's so frustrating that the right choice is the hardest one to make. Shouldn't we be rewarded?! Why can't the right be the easiest, and the wrong choice be the hard one. The thing that's incredibly LAME is that it isn't always right vs. wrong. Most of the time, it's good vs. better. And when you can't see the final result, and the good choice seems to be perfectly fine, you still just have to trust that one day you'll find out why you vitally needed to walk away. I just need to be willing. I need to trust. Richard G. Scott said in his talk, 'Learning to Recognize Answers to Prayers', "Nephi knew he was required to confide in God [speaking of his entering into the house of Laban], to exercise faith, and to act so that he could receive help, step by step. He did not murmur nor ask for a full explanation. But, observe particularly, he did not wait passively for help. He acted! By following spiritual law, he was inspired and given power to act."
The past couple weeks I've realized there were two important things I really didn't understand growing up.
1. I always believed that in life, decisions would be black and white.
2. I was confused by what it meant to 'feel right about something.'
I've come to the understanding that most decisions aren't black and white. There is a lot of gray area in between. Many times, there is more than one good choice. We need to find the best choice. God will give us a lot of latitude as we paint the portraits of our destinies; after all, isn't that what free agency is for? But I'm a firm believer that He, in all His omniscience and omnipotence, knows us better than we know ourselves. He is willing to guide us to greener pastures when we pray and work for His counsel. We cannot choose every good thing in life- we need to make priorities and choose. "Verily I say, men should be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and do many things of their own free will, and bring to pass much righteousness;" Doctrine and Covenants section 58 tells us. With our own free will, we need to choose A good cause. Not all good causes- for there isn't enough time or energy. The thing that is scary is that God knows what is good for us, and what is best. He can see the future; we can't. However, walking away takes action on our part. Blindly trusting in Him, and hoping for something that will be worth while is something I've been learning the past little while, and it is a hard lesson to learn.
Now for the second item on my list of childhood ignorances: Sure, you can get spiritual answers to questions in your life, but what did that mean?!?! Visions and dreams; a ground shattering voice that tells you what to do; your horoscope? Young women leaders, parents, and family would tell me stories of how they 'prayed about something (whether it was marriage, career, where to live...) and just felt right about a certain decision.' What does it mean to feel right? I never knew.
Recently, I had to make a decision. Something in my life felt off; and I didn't know why or where the feeling was coming from. I tried to rationalize it for a while; even ignore it. When that slightly uncomfortable feeling kept nagging at me, I knew I needed to face it. After praying for guidance, I would still wake up the next morning feeling unsettled. Last week I gave it serious reflection and spent a lot of time on my knees. When the gradual answer finally came, relief flooded as I knew what I needed to do. Still, the after-effects were unavoidable, and giving up what I had decided to give up turned out to be much harder than possibly imaginable.
A dull ache constantly dwells with me. I wish I could say that with time it is getting easier, but maybe I am just being impatient. I think the worst part is wishful thinking; hoping that by some strange turn of events, this experience was just something I needed to go through, and that things will eventually go back to the way they used to be. But then I remember the story of Lot's wife, and I know that I cannot look back; I need to look forward. The past is simply to learn from. Faith is always pointed towards the future; of things that are yet to come. I simply need to trust that things will work out- and as long as they will, there is no use worrying about how.
One thing's for sure: break ups are the pitts.
KEN
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